Emotions
surrounding C sections:
Many women recover
fully physically and emotionally from a caesarean birth, others do not. Little
attention has been paid to the psychological impact that a surgical birth may
have on women’s emotional well being. Their personal experiences have been at
times trivialized, misunderstood, or ignored by the medical community.
The medical industry,
as well as the general public, does not put enough emphasis on the fact that a
caesarean birth is a very traumatic event to happen physically as well as
emotionally to a woman. A woman is
expected to recover from the surgery in 4 days…. 4 DAYS!!!! Then, they are expected to take care of
themselves as well as another person.
Most people focus on the baby, not the mother.
I can’t tell you how
many times people have said to me, “well the most important thing is that the
baby is safe” or “the Dr’s know what is best”.
When my husband went to the waiting room to give his parents the news
that I was going to have a c section, they said “Whatever gets that baby out
safe.” To this day, these words still haunt
me. To think that even my own family was
so carefree about my MAJOR surgery, my physical wellbeing, and my emotional
well being. I do realize that people
mean well when they say these things.
However, what they do not realize is that they are doing more harm than
good.
Emotions
that one might feel after a c section:
Fear, sadness,
devastation, depression, helplessness, failure, jealousy, anger, un-womanly,
broken.
Fear,
sadness, devastation, failure, and helplessness (for me) were
the first emotions that I felt. I was devastated that I had to have a c section. I was scared
and helpless during the surgery. I was scared and helpless
after the surgery. I felt like a failure…I felt like I failed myself
and my baby.
After I left the
hospital, I felt a bit of depression. I was unaware of it at the time, but now (2.5
years later) I realize that it was depression.
I had a hard time bonding with my son.
Thankfully, we both took to breastfeeding flawlessly.
A few months later, my
friends were having babies….It was then that I felt anger
and jealousy.
I’d like to stress that I do not feel bad for having these feelings, now
that I realize that they are normal feelings / common feelings. At the time, I thought that I was a terrible
and crazy person for feeling this way. I
WAS NOT happy for my friends when they had normal births. I was jealous that
I wasn’t able to have a normal birth…..Their bodies worked, mine didn’t….. I had to deal with these feelings on my
own. I was scared and embarrassed to
tell anyone. Since then, I was able to
have a vbac. This is what has healed me. I think this is the first time I’ve ever told
anyone that I had felt this way, and it is very freeing.
It was at this same
time (a few months after the birth) that I also felt “un-womanly”
and broken.
I felt like my body didn’t work right.
I didn’t dilate like a “normal” woman (i.e. 1 cm an hour). I felt like I was not
a woman…..meaning, I couldn’t “birth” a baby.
Having feelings of
self-doubt and maternal inadequacy is a very tough way to begin life as a new
mother. However, for many women who have
had emergency c sections, the experience of birthing their child is just
that. Many women have said that
recovering emotionally from an emergency c section is often more
“gut-wrenching” and agonizing than dealing with the physical pain caused by
having your belly sliced open.
I am so very very
grateful for this Birth Circle that we have started. I do not want anyone to have to feel the
emotions that I felt “by myself”. If
I/we can help one woman overcome these emotions, then the purpose of this group
is fulfilled. Please remember that it is
very normal to feel these things. We are
here to help you get through these tough emotions.
